12. About the Destination Not the Journey

View from our Sloop Reef camp

(I am writing from Sloop Reef on the Bay of Fires in North East Tasmania. I have little to no range so am writing on a word doc to transfer into Blogspot. I can use the computer off grid now because Pete found me a 12v laptop charger in Geelong. I am attmepting to catch up by Christmas.)

On leaving Bungendore near Canberra on 22^nd Nov, after a shortish drive down the road east, I said to Pete that I would drive if he liked – he had some phone calls to make. He pulled over, I got in and within a few minutes we were unexpectedly descending Kings Mountain – a hugely steep and windy road that went on and on and on. Piles of teddy bears and flowers at sites where people have died, three emergency uphill exits for brake failures. I was quite relieved to make it safely to the bottom and suggested that I drive more often to stay familiar with the feel of the car, caravan and brakes.

Brakes have been an ongoing issue for the car this trip. Pete had the back brakes on the car replaced twice in the past six months, and the front ones redone…
After descending King’s Mountain another three mechanics worked on them - Moruya, Bateman’s Bay, Springvale in Melb. Now we are traversing Tasmania, the RedArc caravan brakes stopped working; and we totally lost the car’s back brakes and the hand brake. Very dangerous when towing a van around hills and windy roads. Thank God yesterday’s mechanic in St Helens sorted the issues out – hopefully once and for all. Just before Christmas too.

North Moruya break wall

North Moruya Beach

After the inland detour, next stop was Moruya North Campground right beside Moruya airport for two nights so I could catch an 8am flight in a couple of days’ time up to Sydney en route to Glenugie, near Grafton for a Golden Girls weekend.

North Moruya Beach entry

The Moruya North Campground is where the Moruya River meets the beach, with an unusually long break wall to walk along, fish from and meet people. The first evening Pete and I walked along the wall we passed a man and a woman fishing. On our way back the man stopped us and asked how long we had been together. We both looked at each other and laughed. I said two years, which is the simple answer. He and his wife had been watching us walk along the wall, noticed our body language and animated conversation, and my arm hooked through Pete’s. She came and roused on him for asking personal questions. We chatted for an age – telling them our story and learning theirs. They were both from Czechoslovakia as children and had migrated to Australia with their families. They met here in a club and fell in love on sight. Married fifty-three years. He was her only boyfriend ever. The only man she has ever been with.  Another intimate conversation had with strangers - with Bonsai Joe and Lilly - never to see them again.

Bonsai Joe and Lilly

Bonsai Joe's
catch

Pete and I walking along the break wall

Pete's North Moruya Campfire

I had a call from Mum concerned that all was in order should anything happen to her. She needed reassurance that she her affairs are in order, that her girls are provided for, that she is where she should be, doing what she should be. I assured her it is all in order and we are all well looked after – the gift she will leave each of us will be much appreciated and of great benefit when the time comes. She and Dad did good.

North Moruya camp ground

The camp was populated with other transient folk like Pete and me, and a lot of permanent folk who have settled there for various reasons, many of which I don’t know, but some due to floods and fires. It was sobering, and at times hard to witness people’s distress displayed by verbal abuse and throwing chairs. Some families made good use of the break wall – fishing daily from it. We met a man sitting among a sea of fishing tackle on the wall – he was keeping ten fishers going – children, teenagers and adults. We met another man keen to buy a 9.6’ surfboard – the waves were calling him and he didn’t own a board. Another guy was travelling down to Merimbula for the Sail Festival the next weekend. He was towing a foil board in a small trailer. Our friends Mick and Louise were associated with that festival – Mick on the board and both he and Louise and their band playing a gig. They were coming to find us soon after on their way north.

Flying over North Moruya Camp

The Golden Girls

Deb and me at the hospital

Pete dropped me at the airport on the morning of 24^th Nov then packed up camp and travelled to Potato Point to spend the next five days doing Pete – fishing, riding his ebike, chatting to passers by and sitting around campfires etc. I flew to Sydney, caught the train to Hornsby, was met by my friend Annie who came down from Katoomba, and she drove us to Glenugie for the Golden Girls gathering around our beautiful friend Deb. I had said months before that I would not be able to go to this one as I would be way south by then. But Deb’s failing health changed my mind. I am so grateful I was there. Under the circumstances, it was a perfect several days – five close women and Deb’s nephew Luke camped in Deb’s rambling country home in the bush. Deb was in hospital. We Golden Girls and Luke are Deb’s earthly family, two cousins among us. I had hoped we could have her home to look after her while we were there. Annie and I learned a day or two before this gathering that Deb had decided against treatment, brave woman that she is. She has been battling health issues for a few years now and further treatment was not going to give her back any quality of life – in fact the treatment would have made her feel even worse and the outcome would have been the same. Deb lost all members of her nuclear family over the past twenty years - she was ready to go find them. Learning of her decision was very poignant. I knew this would be my final time in her presence, and an opportunity to say goodbye in person. We visited Deb in twos over the weekend – Annie and I twice. We massaged her legs feet hands and arms with coco butter and talked of our love for each other and Deb’s well considered beliefs about her transition to whatever comes next. I gave her a letter I had written honouring her and our friendship to keep with her and read over the coming weeks if she had the energy.

Debs pool

When we hugged goodbye she said she would like it to be cremated with her. Deb and I love immersing ourselves in water. I skinny dipped in her pool thrice for us both – this being a daily tonic of hers when at home, and a tradition that all us girls do when we gather. The others did not partake this time.

Gathering Deb's things

We collected some items for Deb, who was soon to be medevacked south to her youngest cousin’s home for this final stage of her life. None of us could bear that she was in hospital - it was such a kindness that her aged-care-experienced-nurse cousin was able to invite her to come and be cared for by family on the Central Coast. Deb had already lost all interest in material items – wanting very few things to go with her – just some comfy boxer shorts and sleeveless tops, her toothbrush and her pink wig. She told us where to find a long gold satin shoestring dress in her carved timber wardrobe, to wear when she was cremated. 

Beautiful Carefree Deb

Deb got to her new home at Kariong late that week, and just another week later – after visits from two elderly aunties, another cousin and friend or two – she was gone. When the phone rang, I knew before Susie spoke Deb was gone. I looked out the window of the van where we were at Geelong - there was a cloud angel in the sky. We are processing losing Deb in our own ways. Consoling ourselves that she was ready even though she was only sixty-five. The Golden Girls will continue to gather – and Deb will be among us wherever we are.I brought home some of Deb’s things from that weekend with her blessing - two hats, a cossie, her flares, a long sleeved white shirt and sandals – channeling her as I swim and protect myself from the sun. Deb was cremated quietly this week (19 Dec). We are gathering in her name at her home in Glenugie at the end of January to farewell her properly and be together one more time in her space. Her ashes will be placed under a tree in the back yard with both of her sons. Reunited at last. One minute we are here and then we are not. RIP darling Deb – Thank you for being my friend. We will play “Into the Mystic” at your farewell and often.

Detour at Urunga to meet up with sister Fran xx

Great Read - What's Your
Sandy Point by Elaine Ryder

Annie and I drove home from Glenugie sad and glad we had that opportunity at this time. We detoured at Urunga to meet up with my sister Fran for a coffee and catch up which was lovely. Thanks for always making the effort sister. We further detoured past the Gladstone General Store for chicken hamburgers with cheese and pineapple for lunch after enjoying them so much around my birthday when staying at Hat Head a couple months back. Annie loved the drive down that road less travelled and she loved her burger. I spent a night with in Katoomba. She very kindly waxed my eyebrows in her new salon at Wentworth Falls next morning before putting me on a train down the mountain to meet my plane back to Pete. As I trained and planed I read my friend Elaine Ryder’s memoir “What’s Your Sandy Point?” on my kindle. Couldn’t put it down. I aim to write my memoir on this trip. It’s been a long-time plan. Elaine’s completed and fabulous story inspires me to get on with it. We all have a story to tell. I wish Deb had written hers.

Lovely Potato Point Camp

Toasted monster marshmallow at
Potato Point in Deb's flares

I was supposed to alight the train at Parramatta for an appt at the Vitiligo Clinic. But they rang me earlier in the week to reschedule which I could not do due to the tight time frame. When I learned of this reschedule I was almost teary with disappointment that it was not going to happen. This skin condition, Vitiligo has been gradually taking over the exposed areas of my body for the past five or more years. Some say it is stress related. I didn’t think much could be done about it and to be honest it doesn’t worry me that much aesthetically. It was more about living largely outdoors and wanting to protect myself from the sun where the pigment is no longer.  I was offered a phone consultation with a skin nurse – paid $80 over the phone for a doctor to peruse the photos I was to send asap. Annie took several photos of me in bra and undies front back and sideways amid lots of giggling at Deb’s house. Now I am in a quandary re the steroidal cream prescription I received from the doctor. All I wanted was to talk about how to protect myself living while travelling. The cream is more about treatment for a month to see if it works. While wearing it, I’d need to be protected against UV light indoors and outdoors at all times as it could lead to sun cancer. It sounds quite carcinogenic… I haven’t filled the script… I’m wearing Deb’s hats and long sleeved shirt and applying sunscreen often.

Shelly Beach
on the other side of the Moruya River

The return flight went to Merimbula first then back to Moruya. I was head down in my book. At Merimbula, my female neighbour in the back row remained and almost everyone else got off. Two little fair-haired girls skipped down the aisle, their young Mum not far behind, put a Coles bag of items in the overhead locker and said she thought they were supposed to be in the back row. The girl next to me and I were happy to move but the hostess sat them in the row ahead of us. It was impossible to ignore the children’s excitement. Thia was their first flight.They were calling out Daddy Daddy at the tops of their voices all the way up – Mum held the hand of the little one across the aisle. Mum was laughing and crying at the same time. Mum turned to me and said through her tears the ironic thing was that the kids were calling out for Daddy but they were actually on the plane escaping a DV situation… My neighbour Harmony and I spent flight supporting Alyssa, commending her for having done the right thing for herself and her kids. They, with the dad, were travelling around Australia in a caravan from Brisbane – and were soon to board the boat to Tasmania. She was struggling with the domestic situation and her gut told her to go before they got even further away from home and family. Almost all the money they had got for the sale of their Brisbane home had gone in fourteen weeks. Her partner was working for a couple of months in Merimbula and would come home to the caravan that day and find them gone… Her sister was waiting at the Brisbane end and she had her Dad’s credit card. I will forever think of them and hope life works out okay for her and her little girls. Neither Harmony’s partner nor Pete had arrived when we got off the plane. Her phone was flat - I offered for her to use mine but she didn’t know her partner’s number by heart. Pete got there and we drove away up the road after farewelling Harmony. The airport called wondering if I wanted my luggage – doh - we had to turn around and go back. Harmony’s dog was excitedly jumping all over her and we briefly met her fella. She was home after a month relief teaching in an Indigenous Community in the Northern Territory.  We didn’t swap contacts – but we bonded in that plane trip – another lovely girl I will think of.

Ian and Michelle - surprise neighbours

Pete had a lovely camp set up for me to return to. Right on the beach at Potato Point – half an hour south of Moruya towards Dalmeny and Narouma. (Places we holidayed when I was a child but totally unfamiliar all these years later.) Pete had called in to Potato Point previously and committed to coming back one day to camp here, surrounded by kangaroos. During my absence he was surprised to see his friend Ian - Church Point Graeme’s twin brother - and his wife Michelle arrive on the site behind, on a camping and cycling holiday with another couple. Michelle and I played netball in the Allambie club when children. Small world.

Live music at Potato Point

See ya Mick and Louise

The easterly wind had been trying to blow Potato Point off the map unfortunately and continued like that for the next several days after my return. We had lots to talk about. Pete knows and loves Deb too. We managed a beautiful swim. Deb very much there with me – I was in her cossie and wearing her hat and sun shirt. All the Debbie things. We learned card game ‘Shithead’ from neighbours Johnno and Paula, who hail from Moonee Beach up Coffs Harbour way. I am still to buy two decks of cards so Pete and I can play the game ourselves – it is fun and good brain food. Our friends from Merimbula, Mick and Louise, came through for a night on their way up the coast to see family for early Christmas. They generously came bearing prawns fresh bread rolls and salmon steaks. Pete was in Bateman’s Bay on another brake fixing mission, so Mick Louise and I attempted a walk – but the wind drove us home. Johnno and Paula joined us after dinner and played guitar with Mick on harmonica…Pete’s guitar and my ukulele remain un-played…

I got Deb’s sandals repaired at Dalmeny, and we fossicked around the area as we do, checking out all the beaches headlands and pie shops. While we were at Moruya Campground I had a cauliflower and blue cheese pie at Bodalla Dairy Shed across the road from the Bodalla Hotel; followed by a home-made waffle with hokey pokey icecream and homemade toffee sauce. OMG! We went back to Bodalla for a repeat of the waffle while staying at Potato Point. Sometimes more is better.

Home Made waffle and Hokey Pokey icecream!

Bodalla Dairy Shed